Bob Dylan Sucks

September 13, 2008

Bob Dylan does not suck.

After spending six years of my life reading, digging, listening, following, absorbing and regurgitating nothing but Bob Dylan, I feel I have at least a Bull Shit degree from Bobbie Zimmerman University. I visited Hibbing, Minnesota. I met people who grew up with Bobby “Zimmy” Zimmerman and picked their brains about Bob Dylan.

I’m not a Bob Dylan fan.

What is a fan? It’s short for fanatic. What is a fanatic? By definition a fanatic is marked by excessive enthusiasm and often intense uncritical devotion toward someone, something, or some idea. The key word here is uncritical.

Bob Dylan is the best singer/songwriter who has ever lived.
Bob Dylan has and will suck more than anything I have ever heard or seen.
I love Bob Dylan.
Bob Dylan broke my heart.
Bob Dylan is the most prolific generator of shit music ever.
Bob Dylan is misunderstood.
Bob Dylan wants you to think he is misunderstood so he can sell more records.
Bob Dylan is my hero.
Bob Dylan is sincere.
Bob Dylan is full of more shit than Milli Vanilli and Vanilla Ice combined.
Bob Dylan is an asshole.
Bob Dylan has played more shows than most rock and roll acts alive today.
Bob Dylan should give up touring already, he’s an embarrassment to Bob Dylan.
Bob Dylan is Jewish and Christian and a Nihilist and an Atheist, he’s also a communist and an capitalist.
Bob Dylan has made some of the best records of the 20th century.
Bob Dylan released an album called “Empire Burlesque”.
Bob Dylan is a liar and a thief.
Bob Dylan is the only musician who sings the truth.
Bob Dylan’s lyrics are deep.
Bob Dylan said the the Sun is not yellow, it’s Chicken.
Bob Dylan is the only living link to what music was and what music is and what music will be.
Bob Dylan is too overrated.
Bob Dylan is the greatest living poet who happens to be able to play an instrument.
Bob Dylan has a horrible singing voice.
Bob Dylan changed my life.
Bob Dylan doesn’t give a fuck what you think of him.
Bob Dylan cannot be ignored.

Bob Dylan was the first punk rocker.

What is a punk rocker?

The punk rocker doesn’t give a fuck what you think.
The punk rocker doesn’t want you to love the punk rocker.
The punk rocker will break your heart if you are foolish enough to get to close to the punk rocker.
The punk rocker never wanted to say anything.
The punk rocker is an egotist.
The punk rocker is honest.
The punk rocker lies to your face.
The punk rocker is not the voice of the punk rockers generation.
The punk rocker could care less about the punk rockers generation.
The punk rocker cares about everything and nothing.
The punk rocker plays it loud as hell.
The punk rocker is jaded.
The punk rocker sees the beauty in the world.
The punk rocker says that the rawer it sounds the better.
The punk rocker doesn’t play music.
The punk rocker plays raw emotion in the form of music.
The punk rockers kicks out the jams.
The punk rocker is serious.
The punk rocker is a joke.
The punk rocker is hated and loved by everyone.
The punk rockers personal life is a train wreck.
The punk rocker doesn’t piss you off on purpose, that’s what punk rocker poseurs do.
The punk rocker plays what the punk rocker wants and if you happen to like it then whatever and if you hate it, then whatever too and if you have something to say about it you can go fuck yourself.
Bob Dylan was the first punk rocker.

Bob Dylan is still a punk rocker.

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Posted by Alex LaPointe

Re: Audience Participation Corner: Help Needed!

September 13, 2008

Jason:

For your wedding song, I submit “As Long as the Grass Shall Grow” by Johnny and June.  This version is from the Unearthed box set, and was recorded around the time of Cash’s second album with Rick Rubin, Unchained.

The song was originally written by American Indian folk singer Peter La Farge, lamenting the Seneca Indians’ forced relocation to facilitate the building of the Kinzua Dam in Pennsylvania in the early 1960s.  Johnny Cash covered this version of the song on Bitter Tears, a 1964 concept album about  the plight of the American Indian.  (You can hear that version here.)  (La Farge also wrote another, much more famous Johnny Cash song, “The Ballad of Ira Hayes,” also on Bitter Tears.)

Folk music has a long tradition of re-using melodies.  Woody Guthrie’s most famous song, “This Land is Your Land,” was originally the Carter Family’s Book of Revelation (I think) epic “When the World’s on Fire” (which I will post on at some point in the future), just as his song with the Almanac Singers, “The Sinking of the Reuben James” borrowed heavily from the Carter Family’s “Wildwood Flower.”

When he re-recorded “As Long as the Grass Shall Grow” much later in life, Cash kept the chorus and rewrote the verses, turning a powerful and bitter protest song into a gorgeous and equally powerful love song about meeting and loving June Carter, who sings on the chorus.  It’s clear that both of them meant every word.

I don’t know how good it is for dancing and the lyrics may be too specific for your purpose, but I always thought it would make a lovely wedding song.  I’m happy to share it with you and our readers.

Congratulations to both of you!

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Posted by Gordon Winslow

True Blood

September 13, 2008

I had a chance to watch the pilot episode of the new HBO series “True Blood”. The series is set in a small rural Louisiana town in an America in which Vampires have recently “come out of the coffin” after Japanese scientist developed synthetic inorganic blood which is sold commercially as “Tru Blood”. HBO even made a website for the fictional Tru Blood beverage which features some hilarious “commercials” for the beverage.

While it’s still too early to tell what this series has in store it does look promising. Some critics have panned it, but that’s true of most films and series in the horror genre. A show about vampires running around buying synthetic Japanese blood at the local 7-11 should be taken with a grain of salt, the show itself does a good job of balancing things out and it makes several not so subtle references to society in general (God Hates Fangs) and the acceptance of contentious societal elements by rural America. Check out the trailer:

Here’s the amazing opening credit sequence featuring the song “Bad Things” by Jace Everett.


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Posted by Alex LaPointe