Disclaimer: This game is meant to be played with water. Surely, you wouldn’t consider playing it with any other beverage, would you?
This game was perfected through many years of trial and error, starting with Super Bowl XXXII (which my Packers lost, so I needed a lot of water). You could actually use these rules for any football game, but trust me on this, you don’t want to drink this much water more than once a year.
I come from a strange culture where we use the word “beer” to mean “water.” If you read the word “beer” below, and you think “beer” instead of “water,” then you, sir, are a racist.
So without further ado…
Each person in the room must pick a team. Annoying people who are only there to watch the commercials and the halftime show shall be assigned a team in such fashion as to get as close as possible to a 50-50 balance in the room.
You drink when something bad happens to your team.
- One beer for each touchdown.
- Half a beer for each field goal (whole beer if over 45 yards).
- Half a beer for a safety.
- Half a beer for a two-point conversion, or a missed two-point conversion.
- Two beers for a kickoff or punt return for a touchdown.
- One beer for blocked field goal or punt.
- Half a beer for a missed field goal.
- Bonus half beer for defensive or special teams touchdown.
Changes of Possession
- Half a beer for each turnover.
- Two drinks for change of possession without a score.
- Three bonus drinks for three and out.
- One drink for every first down.
- One drink for every five yards on a run over ten yards.
- Five drinks for a pass over thirty yards.
- Five drinks for each quarterback sack.
- Three drinks for a blocked pass.
- Five drinks for a tipped pass that is caught anyway.
- One beer for intentional grounding.
- Five drinks for holding (ten if it causes a touchdown to be called back).
- Five drinks for delay of game.
- Three drinks for a five-yard facemask or nine drinks for a fifteen-yard facemask. The NFL changed the rules on facemask this year, eliminating incidentals, so let’s compromise and call it six for facemask.
- Half a beer for unsportsmanlike conduct.
- Two drinks for false start, offside, or encroachment.
- Five drinks for unnecessary roughness.
- One third of a beer for too many men on the field.
- Three drinks for pass interference.
- Five drinks for offensive pass interference.
- Two beers for leverage.
Non-penalty Ass Plays
- Half a beer for each call overturned on replay.
- One-third of a beer for calling for a replay and not having the play overturned.
- One beer for recovered onside kick.
- Half a beer for missed onside kick.
- Half a beer for a pass that hits the ref or a player that runs into the ref.
And if there’s any left in the tank, you really should have a beer if your team loses.
You should not play the Super Bowl Drinking Game™ if you are driving. If you drink this much water and drive, you will have to pull over every five minutes to pee. That doesn’t make for good driving.
My pick this year? Cards in an upset, by less than a touchdown.